


A secret inside your soul (During the night, your ghosts come out to haunt me)

by Sasuke42



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Uchiha Itachi mention, Uchiha Sasuke - Freeform, Uchiha Sasuke leaving the village, Uchiha Sasuke-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25989616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasuke42/pseuds/Sasuke42
Summary: The dark sky made him feel disgusted. The rain hitting his face was already unable to keep him alive. Perhaps, in the end, that was his last fight.In the end, they whispered to his innocent eyes that he was the monster he had always promised to kill. In the end, he accepted that he could not continue.Time rocked him like a child and carried him like his own son. Madness won.
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto implicit
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	A secret inside your soul (During the night, your ghosts come out to haunt me)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I have a profile in a Brazilian fan fiction site, called Spirit Fanfic, my name there is Sasuke42, so I’m not stealing this story.   
> Well, good reading!

“Give children weapons and make them murderers. Steal the childhood of their souls. Pull the innocence out of their eyes. Make them sacrifice their last breaths for their love. Show the war before peace. Turn their lives to death, before they realize that we are the only ones who can get them to hell.” 

... 

Sasuke let himself close his eyes in front of the dark, wet sky. A violent peace flooded his mind. A peace that he knew was nothing but his despair. Death had taken him many things, but life made the world more miserable. Life had done it, life had turned him into a monster. Fault. He had done it, he was the one who shouted that he would hate him.

He let the darkness take him until he was unable to live without it. His eyes became red, as the blood disappeared from his body. It was so quiet, madness touched his fingers for comfort. He was so alone, the pain tightened his neck until he was unable to breathe.

He let his own eyes stop his heart before he was able to fight for life. Nothing else seemed to matter. Insecurity. Everything that made him who he was, gone. His hatred was meaningless now. His revenge was out of control and, in the end, his entire journey within that world he created had been his greatest sin. 

Was it still necessary to continue? Of course, justice had not been served. Would it be worth it? No... But, he needed it. Something inside him, something inside his chest, made his hands gush all the hatred he had fueled over the years. All the anger he tried to embrace was trapped deep in his eyes. All the loneliness that plagued him was now necessary. 

"You are weird." Whispered a voice beside him. 

"Shut up."

There was nobody. It couldn't be anyone. He was alone in the trees, with no home to return. The darkness of the night covered him with his cloak, whispering his words until his eyes closed. The rain fell on his face, spilling his soul just as it did with his parents' blood. 

"You can't defeat me if you haven't even managed to kill your friend." Muttered the child with a smile. 

"Stay away from me." 

He felt the skin of the only person who made him feel like someone, expand so that his hand could pass. He had destroyed what he loved most. Just like him. He had disowned the village. Just like him. He had become a monster. Was your brother happy? He had created a weapon. Would Itachi want to face him now? He had given him hate. And was that enough to kill a child? 

"You look like father." 

Those red eyes met a child's. Hatred shattered when love defeated him. Guilt caught him, before he could laugh at his mistakes. He was facing someone innocent enough to make him feel happy to smile. He was facing his worst nightmare. 

"And does it matter?" 

"It always did, Sasuke." Answered the voice. "You can't imagine how much it mattered."

That hurt. It finally made him realize how easy it was to cry in the rain. It finally made him feel as miserable as a murderer. That finally made him face how much he lost trying to be someone he was not. Finally, he realized how much he had lost in a single night. 

"So, when will tomorrow come?" 

"Soon. But your eyes get used to the dark, you don't have to worry about the light now. ” 

The water hit the leaves, the light danced in the darkness. Ironic. His eyes shone like blood. His soul burned like fire. Nothing would change. Nothing would be able to make him a hero. He was an avenger. Someone empty inside. Someone who would be willing to kill himself for revenge. 

"You are not real." 

"I'm not?" Murmured the child. “Who knows ... But I'm still alive inside you. Maybe that’s why you didn’t kill him.” 

Naruto... He remembered him. He remembered his smile. Of his blue eyes shining in your darkness. His hope making him want to forget his goals. He remembered how he had made him scream. How it had made him hurt by someone who wouldn't be worth it. He remembered his pain in his determination. Finally, he remembered that they had the same strength. 

“Do you want to know a secret? I was never really your friend. I was always an idiot for not complying with my whim before. And you were always too stupid to notice. Or maybe your feeling was bigger than my darkness. ” 

"You are an idiot thinking like that." The voice mumbled, pouting with indignation. 

"Do you think I would really love him?" 

"You already love." 

He had abandoned everyone who made him feel happy. He had abandoned his healing and went in search of destruction. He had destroyed them. He was wrong, even if he believed he was right. He was alone, even though he knew he would never be. He was hungry for power, even though, deep down, he just wanted everything to be as it was before. Even though, deep down, he still felt love. 

"Where were you when I needed?" 

“Sasuke, I died. It doesn't matter how much you wanted me, I'm already dead. ” He explained the minor calmly. "I thought Itachi had taught you better..."

"He killed you." 

“Maybe... Anyway, I was happy, I lived a good life. And you should have continued for me.” 

He looked at the child. He saw his weakness when he saw his smile for a monster. He noticed his fear when he saw his tremble for a boy. He noticed his life, missed it, only when he let it slip from his hands. He lost his happiness on a path that would probably never bring his back. Because death had always been the last point of despair. 

"You're gone." 

"I tried to hold on, but you ended up letting me go." Said the child, jumping slightly. "No problem. I think everyone understood that you would be unable to keep me after what happened. ” 

His feet got caught on the dirt floor. Fatigue washed over his body, making him fall. Everything should have ended there. Everything should have started at that moment. But his eyes were still those of a thirteen-year-old. His naivete remained attached to his hope. His love was hidden deep in his soul, trying to keep himself in the dark. 

"They deserved to live..." 

“And we don't deserve it, Sasuke? Don't we deserve to live?” Asked the child, laughing at the older boy's expression. 

"I am an avenger, death is the only way."

"Sasuke, we cannot bring them back, just as I cannot return." Replied the boy, looking at infinity. “You still alive and we are not. You have the possibility to change the world. Stop trying to bring us back and let us rest, nobody wants you to get hurt. ” 

The sky opened and a crow flew over the horizon. The grass swayed with the wind, to stop in the end. Something made him feel empty. Something made him fill. His words were stuck. His hands were shaking. His body had moved on its own and, now, it had been unable to save the one it loved, because it was not able to be a hero. 

"You do not know anything." 

"I know everything, Sasuke." He seriously interrupted. “I was inside you. I know about your pain, because it who killed me. Who killed us. ” 

"Itachi ..." 

"He stills alive." 

Then, everything became changed.

...

Someone shouted his name until his voice disappeared. Someone fought to stay and that arrested him. His soul tried to pull the thread that bound him from those people, but nothing could get him out of his home. Nothing could get them out of their memories. He could have become a villain, he could have been an avenger, but he was still human. 

And that made him make mistakes.   
It made him hate. 

"You miss them." Murmured the child. "You miss them and you haven't even reached Orochimaru." 

"I have to continue ..." 

He need to see what was beyond. He need to become stronger. He need to kill had always been stronger than the need to try to be happy. It made him suffer. It made him want to fall so deep that no one else could find him. It made him who he was. 

"You're a coward." 

"I am an avenger." 

"Avengers are cowards." 

The words came out of his lips like razors piercing the air. Running away had always been his plan. Running away meant surviving. And surviving was like giving up everything to stay alive. Losing everything and still gaining the possibility to change the future. It was to win everything and still lose the possibility of moving forward. 

"They'll be better off without me." 

“Naruto is going to suffer. And you will lose everything you felt. You know, he sees you the same way you see him.” The sentence made Sasuke's eyes widen, even though the little one hadn't noticed. “Even I could see that. Too bad you don't even seem to mind.” 

"Shut up." 

Love had always been funny. He was able to pull out what mattered most, was able to destroy any kind of soul in the world. It made the winners lose. Heroes become villains. It was the flame that made everyone stay alive. He was able to give what mattered most, he was able to build any kind of life in the world. Love was his torture and yet what would heal him. 

"And Sakura ... I think you will make her cry more than you already did." The youngest grunted with a look of anger. "You should have apologized, instead of just thanking her." 

"I don’t care."

Hatred was what kept him upright. It was what made him fall. It was what made him run away. What kept him going. It was stupid to try to get away from something that would always be with him. It was stupid to believe, in the slightest, that I could forget what had happened without missing what I had already lost. And even though it hurt, it might be better than being unable to remember the happiness you once felt. 

“Kakashi will be so disappointed. And he seemed so happy to see you making progress.” He spoke with a sad look. "He saw our potential, he did more than our father and you will just throw it away, as if you don't even feel sad about it." 

"I don’t want to know." 

His eyes closed. The dark had always been easier than facing the sun. The child was still naive. The boy was still stupid. Heaven was still trapped, because it was unable to kill those it loved. The ground held its rocks, even though it hurt. The trees stuck to the earth, until they held on so tightly that it made them sink. In the end, the leaves allowed themselves to be blown away by the wind. 

“And for what are you doing all this? For what are you abandoning who you love? For your own killer? Why kill yourself again, Sasuke? Isn't it enough to be dead inside?” Questioned the boy getting up quickly. “You will do as he does and leave them alone. You will be destroying everything they felt.” 

"It was never real!" 

"It always has been, that's why it's so hard to forget." 

His eyes lit up. The tears reflected his face. His pain spilled like blood on his hands. The body was like that of his family. Peace called him seductively, while war screamed for his name. Death had always been more striking than life. Death had always been more dark. And even if he knew which side he would take, he did not want to continue in the world that had hurt him.

"I need to kill him." 

“Our brother is gone. We lost everyone that night, Sasuke. Everyone, without exception, including him. ” Murmured the child, taking a step forward. “Itachi died. He died, just like me. What exists is just a shadow of your past. ” 

"I'll kill him..." 

"And is it worth it?" He asked. “Is it worth all the blame? All the pain you've felt and will it make them feel? You can become strong here. Our brother did it, why couldn't you?” 

He needed hate. He needed hate killing him. He needed revenge by squeezing him and making him suffer. He needed only to see the red eyes that tormented him. I needed to see the bodies. He needed to feel the blood on his hands. It was the strength his brother wanted. It was the strength that his brother showed. 

"I'm weak!" 

“Are you going to trust a liar? How pathetic ... ” 

And, like it or not, his childhood was innocent. His naivety was envied, because he knew he could never have it again. His happiness was sought after, because he knew that his loss had consumed his whole soul. His hope was met with hateful eyes that had seen too many deaths for a single life. And that made him want to be new again to be unable to feel ashamed when he cried. 

"Because he is my brother ..." 

"Does that change anything?" 

"And he stills alive."

...

Then, thirteen-year-old Sasuke Uchiha finally woke up, lying in the middle of the forest. He didn't cry or think he was wrong, he just got up and kept walking. 

And he knew, it was time to go home. 

...

“Am I like you? Was your despair guilt? Or maybe, did you really care? It doesn't matter, you still can't save me. I was still unable to see the monster I made on me. I walked away, because I was blind, I walked away, because all the time I was wrong. And in the end, I hurt you more than I healed. I'm sorry.   
I think now I understand my brother. It is easier to destroy someone, to walk away, than to stay and fight for their love. ”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked that. Well, thank you and bye.


End file.
